Most interactions start out the same: Where are you from and where are you going? Once those two questions have been answered, it’s completely unpredictable what will come out next. Sometimes it’s a comment on the weather, or maybe they’ll tell us what part of Japan they’re from (if they’re travelling), but with one feller it took a very strange turn. It happened in a campground on the backside of Mt. Rausu. Once we established where we were from and where we were going, the guy ran off to his tent and came back holding a plastic bottle. He didn’t speak much English, and we don’t speak any Japanese, but with the help of a demonstration, it wasn’t hard to tell what we were looking at. Yes, this man was quite eager to show us how he had modified a bottle of mouthwash so he could hold it between his legs and spritz himself directly up the butthole. Now, I’ve never handbuilt my own douche rig, and even if I had, I’m not sure it’d be the first thing I’d show off to a couple of foreigners I’d just met in a campground, but it was a fascinating contraption, and I’m glad he showed us his patent-pending design.
Speaking of douching, the Japanese have a rather interesting toilet situation going on in their country. I direct your attention to Exhibit A
This is your standard issue “traditional” Japanese toilet. I assume what we’re looking at is the evolution of the ancient “hole-in-the-ground”, with a water tank attached to it – a “self-flushing hole”, if you will. These are still quite common in rural Japan, and as a Canadian, it’s a bit mysterious. The obvious question being, which way do you point your….well….you know. Fortunately, this installation had a set of pictorial instructions nailed to the wall. Essentially, you face the plumbing, squat down, being mindful of where your pants are positioned, and then let’er rip! Satisfaction is guaranteed. This might be simple for your average well-adjusted Japanese citizen, but try squatting after pedaling your bicyle over a mountain pass, and your aching thigh muscles might leave you teetering in a rather precarious position. After all, the last thing you want is to find yourself in a “I’ve squatted and can’t get up” situation, so caution is recommend.
I suspect this design has served the Japanese well for hundreds of years, but at some point they must have realized that on the global stage, they were lagging behind in the toilet game, so the Toto Corporation set out to design the most elaborate, high-tech toilet known to man.
You’ll note the electronic control panel. These things are amazing. Not only do they provide a heated seat (no more squatting) but they also have adjustable, oscillating, butt-washing nozzles, blow dryers, and in some cases, a small speaker system with a selectable soundtrack to mask the sounds of you carrying out your business. We’re truly living in the future, my friends.
2 Canucks in a Tent 